90+ Best Funny Parenting Quotes That Are Really Relatable

Supriya Jain
Dec 12, 2023 By Supriya Jain
Originally Published on Mar 04, 2021
Edited by Luca Demetriou
father with child making A Thumb Print Family Tree

Children are a blessing in the life of a parent.

Being a parent comes with a huge responsibility, as it is a parent’s credit to bring up a child well, and it’s the parent’s mistake for their ill behavior. Parenting can be fun if you love raising your kid and love the time you spend with them; after all, children are the most innocent souls.

Becoming a parent is a blessing and a gift given to you to treasure throughout your life. Kids are not parents’ mistakes, but they are the greatest blessing.

Initially, parenting can seem like a hectic job, but eventually, you will find yourself growing and learning during parenthood. Children look up to their parents, and making sure you are a person they admire is a sign of success to your parenting.

Here are a few funny, relatable parenting quotes, funny quotes about parenting, to make your day better. Which of these hilarious parenting quotes is your favorite?

If you like these funny parenting quotes, then check out our funny dad quotes and funny family quotes.

Funny Quotes About Parenting

A parent is a perfect combination of mother and father. The childhood of a child is designed by the efforts of their parents.

There are different ways parents can raise their child, but there is only one right way to do it, and it cannot be perfect. Read on for some of the most funny quotes for parents along with funny parenting advice quotes that can ruin someone silly in the quickest way.

Mother and child practice yoga at home together

1. “Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”

- Marshall McLuhan.

2. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”

- Leo Burke.

3. “A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”

- Maurice Johnston.

4. “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”

- Jerry Seinfeld.

5. “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance?”

- Franklin P. Adams.

6. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”

- David Frost.

7. “Never have more children than you have car windows.”

- Erma Bombeck.

8. “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”

- Bette Davis.

9. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”

- Ed Asner.

10. “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

- Phyllis Diller.

11. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

- Lane Olinghouse.

12. “Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”

- William Galvin.

13. “Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”

- Alyson Hannigan.

14. “I have a friend who has no kids but he has tattoos, and he talks about them like they are his kids. He says things like, ‘This is my oldest. It’s my favorite.’ ‘This one was the result of a long night of drinking.’ ‘This one came out a little darker than I expected.’ And so on.”

- Keith Alberstadt.

15. “Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.”

- Steven Wright.

16. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

- James Baldwin.

17. “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”

- Barbara Johnson.

18. “Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”

- 'Eat Pray Love'.

19. “I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”

- Andy Richter.

20. “Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children, and now I have six children and no theories.”

- John Wilmot, ‘Earl Of Rochester.’

21. “Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”

- Rob Delaney.

22. “It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”

- Jr. Williams.

23. “Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”

- Ray Romano.

24. “Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”

- Ari Fishbein.

Hilarious Parenting Quotes

Hilarious parenting quotes are enjoyed by all the members of the family. Whether it be quotes about motherhood or funny dad quotes, hilarious parenting quotes have a lot of followers on social media. Read on for some of the most hilarious parenting quotes that will make you roll around in laughter.

25. “You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”

- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.

26. “Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”

- Nate Smith.

27. “The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”

- John J. Plomp.

28. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage.  Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

- Erma Bombeck.

29. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

- Nora Ephron.

30. “Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.

31. “The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”

- Ewan McGregor.

32. “Parenting is a life time job and does not stop when a child grows up.”

- Jake Slope.

33. “The truth is, parenting as well as we can is always hard - really, truly, the hardest thing any of us has ever done.”

- Laura Markham.

34. “Parents with their words, attitudes, and actions possess the ability to bless or curse the identities of their children.”

- Craig Hill.

35. “First babies have the often-unenviable task of turning people into parents.”

- Penelope Leach.

36. “Good parenting is subjective and the same tips don’t work for all people.”

- Brandi Rossi.

37. “No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you.”

- Marisa De Los Santos.

38. “Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”

- Amber Dusick.

39. “No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.

40. “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”

- Jim Gaffigan.

41. “Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”

- Peter Krause.

42. “When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”

- Erma Bombeck.

43. “No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

- Bill Cosby.

44. “I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”

- Katherine Hepburn.

45. “If we never have headaches through rebuking our children, we shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up.”

- Charles H. Spurgeon.

46. “Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”

- Louise Bates Ames.

47. “God, why does a mortal man have children? It is senseless to love anything this much.”

- Barbara Kingsolver.

48. “The miracle of children is that we just don’t know how they will change or who they will become.”

- Eileen Kennedy-Moore.

49. “There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”

- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’

Funny New Parents Quotes

Hilarious parenting quotes have achieved a cult status on social media. Such is their popularity that the hash-tag hilarious parenting quotes enjoys hundreds of thousands of followers. Here are some of the most hilarious parenting quotes for you to enjoy.

50. “Mike, you have show-and-tell today. Please honey, remember body parts do not count.”

- Sarah Baker, 'Cheaper By The Dozen'.

51. “Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”

- Ralph Bus.

52. “Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”

- Martin Mull.

53. “In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”

- Erma Bombeck.

54. “Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”

- Nia Vardalos.

55. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

- Milton Berle.

56. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”

- Erma Bombeck.

57. “Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”

– Joyce Armor.

58. “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”

- Cheryl Lacey Donovan.

59. “One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.”

- Jane Goodall.

60. “There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”

-  June George, ‘Mean Girls.’

61. “Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”

- Salty Mermaid.

62. “It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”

- Carrie Underwood.

63. “I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

- Reese Witherspoon.

64. “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”

- Julia Roberts.

65. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

- Dorothy Parker.

66. “I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”

- Dana Snow.

67. “(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.”

- Jodi Picoult.

68. “Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”

- Jodi Picoult.

69. “I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”

- Brian Andreas.

70. “Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.”

- Robert Browning.

71. “Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”

- Paul Reiser.

Hilarious Parenting Quotes About Dad

Fathers are the support system of a family. Though love for their children can be hidden sometimes, their efforts to raise them are evident. They are heroes without capes. Read on for some of the most hilarious parenting quotes about dad that are so true.

72. “To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”

- Ernest Hemingway.

73. “I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”

- Percy French.

74. “I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”

- Dave Barry.

75. “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”

- Jim Bishop.

76. “I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.

- Dean Martin.

77. “I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”

- Jimmy Fallon.

78. “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”

- Phyllis Diller.

79.“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”

- Paul Reiser.

80. “Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”

- Ryan Reynolds.

81. “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”

- Conan O’Brien.

82. “That’s not the sign for poop, that’s the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!”

-  Jack, ‘Meet The Fockers.’

83. “Even Johnny Depp’s kid must be like, ‘Oh god, my dad with those freakin’ scarves. This isn’t a pirate ship, it’s Costco, dad.’”

- Judd Apatow.

84. “You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”

- Jim Gaffigan.

85. “I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.

86. “I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”

- Judd Apatow.

87. “As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”

- Chris Rock.

88. “My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”

- Alan Cox.

89. “More specifically being a dad is a diverse responsibility, and it is also defined by providing support to your partner in the glorious journey of parenthood.”

- Natalie L. S. West.

90. “Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.”

- John Ciardi.

91. “While mothers still bear the brunt of housework and child rearing, fathers are increasingly realizing that providing is not parenting.”

- Madonna King.

92. “They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another.”

- Michael Jackson.

93. “How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”

- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’

94. “I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”

- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for funny parenting quotes, then why not take a look at funny mom quotes or [funny quotes for kids].

‍Second Image Editorial credit: Pautova Iuliia / Shutterstock.com

We Want Your Photos!
We Want Your Photos!

We Want Your Photos!

Do you have a photo you are happy to share that would improve this article?
Email your photos

More for You

See All

Written by Supriya Jain

Bachelor of Commerce, Master of Business Administration specializing in Marketing

Supriya Jain picture

Supriya JainBachelor of Commerce, Master of Business Administration specializing in Marketing

As a skilled member of the Kidadl team, Shruti brings extensive experience and expertise in professional content writing. With a Bachelor's degree in Commerce from Punjab University and an MBA in Business Administration from IMT Nagpur, Shruti has worked in diverse roles such as sales intern, content writer, executive trainee, and business development consultant. Her exceptional writing skills cover a wide range of areas, including SOP, SEO, B2B/B2C, and academic content.

Read full bio >