101 Best The Simpsons Quotes Straight From Springfield

Srija Chanda
Dec 12, 2023 By Srija Chanda
Originally Published on Feb 18, 2021
Edited by Monisha Kochhar
Artistic Bart Simpson

Springfield is a fictional city where the Simpsons live.

There are 32 seasons of 'The Simpsons', the American sitcom. In this article, you will find some of the best 'The Simpsons' quotes.

The following sayings include Marge Simpsons quotes, 'The Simpsons' quotes about love and best Simpsons quotes. You can also visit Homer Simpson quotes and [funny cartoon quotes].

Homer Simpson Quotes

'The Simpsons' is a show that people like to watch every day. Here are some best sayings from Homer.

1. “Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 2, Episode 7, 'Bart Vs. Thanksgiving'.

2. “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

- Homer Simpson, Season 8, Episode 18, 'Homer Vs. The Eighteenth Amendment'.

3. “I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 5, Episode 13, 'Homer And Apu'.

4. “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

- Homer Simpson, Season 2, Episode 7, 'Bart Vs. Thanksgiving'.

5. “I have so many questions for you. First of all, is this floor reinforced?”

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 13,  'Walking Big & Tall'.

6. “It takes two to lie; one to lie, and one to listen.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 3, Episode 20, 'Colonel Homer'.

7. “Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 5, Episode 8, 'Boy-Scoutz 'N The Hood'.

8. “Lord help me, I’m just not that bright.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 1, Episode 13, 'Some Enchanted Evening'.

9. “Operator! Give me the number for 911!”

- Homer Simpson, Season 2, Episode 7, 'Bart Vs. Thanksgiving'.

10. "As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go!"

- Homer Simpson, Season 2, Episode 12, 'The Way We Was'.

11. “Between your genius and my nothing we make a great team, come on give me a hug!”

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 12, 'The Musk Who Fell to Earth'.

12. "Aw, 20 dollars? I wanted a peanut!"

- Homer Simpson, Season 5, Episode 8, 'Boy-Scoutz 'N The Hood'.

13. “...if anyone asks you something you don't understand, just say protons.”

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 12,  'The Musk Who Fell to Earth'.

14. "But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow I get to tell everyone why. "

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 16, 'Sky Police'.

15. “Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them...”

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 16,  'Sky Police'.

16. "Look Moe the least you can let me do is anything I want."

- Homer Simpson, Season 26, Episode 14, 'My Fare Lady'.

17. “Marge I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.”

- Homer, Season 26, Episode 13, 'Walking Big & Tall'.

18. “If you're out of my sight, you must constantly Twitter me what you're up to...”

- Homer, Season 21, Episode 14, 'Postcards From The Wedge'.

19. “Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight.”

- Homer, Season 26, Episode 13, 'Walking Big & Tall'.

20. "No no honey, I love everything you force me to do."

- Homer, Season 26, Episode 21,  'Bull-E'.

21. “Spread the word: peace and chicken.”

- Homer, Season 21, Episode 16,  'The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed'.

Marge Simpson Quotes

Marge sayings are pretty funny too. Take a look at some here.

22. "You're going to stay your current ages for the rest of your lives."

- Marge, Season 26, Episode 20, 'Let's Go Fly a Coot'.

23. "I’m so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die."

- Marge, Season 6, Episode 04, 'Itchy & Scratchyland'.

24. "This family has had its differences and we’ve squabbled, but we’ve never had knife fights before. And I blame this house."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 3, 'Treehouse Of Horror'.

25. "Oh, Milhouse doesn't count."

- Marge, Season 6, Episode 19, 'Lisa's Wedding'.

26. "Halloween is a very strange holiday. Personally, I don’t understand it. Kids worshipping ghosts, pretending to be devils."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 3, 'Treehouse Of Horror'.

27. "Today he's drinking people's blood. Tomorrow he could be smoking."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 3, 'Treehouse Of Horror'.

28. "...if you raised three children who can knock out and hog tie a perfect stranger you must be doing something right."

- Marge, Season 1, Episode 13, 'Some Enchanted Evening'.

29. "You know the courts might not work anymore, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else justice will be done! "

- Marge, Season 6, Episode 9, 'Homer Badman'.

30. " I don’t want to alarm anybody, but I think there’s a little al-key-hol in this punch."

- Marge, Season 1, Episode 1, 'Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire'.

31. "Bart! Stop pestering Satan."

- Marge, Season 7, Episode 10, 'The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular'.

32. "Maybe we should spend more time with Bart. He’s becoming isolated and weird. "

- Marge, Season 6, Episode 1, 'Bart of Darkness'.

33. "Can't beat a skybox. All the excitement of being in the sky with the security of being in a box."

- Marge, Season 14, Episode 5, 'Helter Shelter'.

34. "Homer, I like to think that I’m a patient, tolerant woman and that there was no line that you could cross that would make me stop loving you. But last night you didn’t just cross that line, you threw up on it!"

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 20, 'The War Of The Simpsons'.

35. "Only three cavities, Bart, your best checkup ever! I'm going to make you my specialty, butterscotch chicken."

- Marge, Season 8, Episode 6, 'A Milhouse Divided'.

36. "Bart! You’re no longer in Sunday School. Don’t swear."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 13, 'Homer Vs. Lisa And The 8th Commandment'.

37. "If someone did eat Bart's shorts they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage."

- Marge, Season 18, Episode 21,  '24 Minutes'.

38. "I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn’t."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 9, 'Itchy & Scratchy & Marge'.

39. "Normally your father’s crackpot schemes fizzle out as soon he finds something good on TV. But this season…"

- Marge, Season 7, Episode 7, 'King-Size Homer'.

40. "Lisa, you’re learning many lessons tonight. And one of them is to always give your mother the benefit of the doubt."

- Marge, Season 2, Episode 4, 'Two Cars In Every Garage And Three Eyes On Every Fish'.

41. "These are Homer's friends and family. They don't want him dead. They just want him to suffer."

- Marge, Season 14, Episode 6, 'The Great Louse Detectives'.

Bart Simpson Quotes

Get a first-hand insight into Bart's everyday life with these quotes.

42. "You're asking the wrong guy, Milhouse, you're asking the wrong guy."

- S03E23, 'Bart's Friend Falls In Love'.

43. “She's like a Milk Dud, Lis. Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.”

— S06E07, 'Bart's Girlfriend'.

44. "Everything changes when you get to big one-o. Your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste as good anymore."

- S03E01, 'Stark Raving Dad'.

45. “I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.”

— S08E20, 'The Canine Mutiny'.

46. "Hey, cool, I'm dead."

- S02E10, 'Bart Gets Hit By A Car'.

47. "Oh! My ovaries!”

— S04E07, 'Marge Gets A Job'.

48. "I like to call this story Hungry are the Damned."

- S02E03, 'Treehouse Of Horror'.

49. "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this...blows.”

— S10E15, 'Screaming Yellow Honkers'.

50. "Oh, Space Mutants 4! Drop me off! Drop me off!"

- S01E08, 'The Telltale Head'.

51. "That's not fair! I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!”

— S04E15, 'I Love Lisa'.

52. "I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions."

- S04E01, 'Kamp Krusty'.

53. “I think Grandpa smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet.”

— S02E17, 'Old Money'.

54. "I smell bacon, let's see if he's wearing a wire."

- S04E01, 'Kamp Krusty'.

55. “Mom, Dad, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.”

— S06E16, 'Bart Vs. Australia'.

56. "Very scary, Mr. Flanders, but I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants."

- S04E05, 'Treehouse Of Horror III'.

57. “Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.”

— S05E20, 'The Boy Who Knew Too Much'.

58. "Bart and Millhouse: Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town, the schoolyards up and the shopping malls down. Springfield, Springfield."

- S05E08, 'Boy Scoutz N The Hood'.

59. “If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.”

— S03E20, 'Colonel Homer'.

60. "My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!"

- S04E01, 'Kamp Krusty'.

61. “So much for the days when I could say, 'At least my mother's normal.'”

— S06E11, 'Fear of Flying'.

Lisa Simpson Quotes

Actually one can learn a lot every day from Lisa's words. Here is a list so that you too can start to learn.

62. “Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired by Hallmark and Disney in a hostile takeover, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

— Lisa, S06E03, 'Another Simpsons Clip Show'.

63. "Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?"

- Lisa, S02E06, 'Dead Putting Society'.

64. “If you take away our cartoons, we'll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots.”

— Lisa, S02E09, 'Itchy & Scratchy & Marge'.

65. "Does it make you feel superior to tear down people's dreams?"

- Lisa, S14E16, 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky'.

66. “They want sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll have to blow their nose with a pancake!”

— Lisa, S09E21, 'Girly Edition'.

67. "I think you need Skinner, Bart. Everybody needs a nemesis."

- Lisa, S05E19, 'Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song'.

68. “It's not my nature to complain, but so far today we've had three movies, two filmstrips, and an hour and a half of magazine time. I just don't feel challenged.”

— Lisa, S08E25, 'The Secret War Of Lisa Simpson'.

69. "I learned that beneath my goody two-shoes lies some very dark socks."

- Lisa, S19E14, 'Dial “N” For Nerder'.

70. Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.”

— Lisa, S05E08, 'Boy-Scoutz 'N The Hood'.

71. "I'm proud of you, Mom. You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you."

- Lisa, S18E17, 'Marge Gamer'.

72. “Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.”

— Lisa, S06E12, 'Homer the Great'.

73. "All the years I've wanted to be treated like an adult have blown up in my face."

- Lisa, S03E08, 'Lisa’s Pony'.

74. “Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore. ”

— Lisa, S06E01, 'Bart of Darkness'.

75. "They revamped this ride because of massive complaints from two people."

- Lisa, S26E10, 'The Man Who Came to Be Dinner'.

76. “I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French.”

— Lisa, S03E18, 'Separate Vocations'.

77. "I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors."

- Lisa, S05E06, 'Marge On The Lam'.

78. “Mom, look, I found something more fun than complaining!”

— Lisa, S07E14, 'Scenes From The Class Struggle In Springfield'.

79. "Dad, women won't like being shot in the face."

- Lisa, S15E06, 'Today, I Am A Clown'.

80. “Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.”

— Lisa, S06E12, 'Homer the Great'.

81. "Stupid bus that can't even go to the stupid place it's supposed to stupid go."

- Lisa, S09E24, 'Lost Our Lisa'.

Ned Flanders Quotes

Ned often starts his day by first greeting his neighbors when he sees them. Read these popular quotes about him to know more.

82. "Well I can't say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst."

- S19E09, 'Eternal Moonshine Of The Simpson Mind'.

83. "Can I make my famous mimosa? A little sparkling water in a glass full of regular water?"

- S26E21, 'Bull-E'.

84. "Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse."

- S05E16, 'Homer Loves Flanders'.

85. "He’s a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!"

- S26E21, 'Bull-E'.

86. "Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees."

-  S23E03, 'Treehouse of Horror XXII'.

87. "Sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can’t find hers!"

- S02E20, 'The War Of The Simpsons'.

88. "I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"

- S08E08, 'Hurricane Neddy'.

89. "Sorry is not just the most exciting board game ever devised, it’s a word I need to hear from you!"

- S26E21, 'Bull-E'.

90. "Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?"

- S23E21, 'Ned 'N' Edna's Blend'.

91. "Thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place. It’s a lot less racy than its name would lead you to believe."

- S22E22, 'The Ned-Liest Catch'.

92. "Call me Delta Airlines, because I can't handle all your extra baggage."

- S22E22, 'The Ned-Liest Catch'.

93. "Did a volcano erupt in Candyland? ‘Cause I just caught me a flyin’ red hot!"

- S22E22, 'The Ned-Liest Catch'.

94. "Now what can I ding dong diddly do for you?"

- S08E08, 'Hurricane Neddy'.

95. "That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn."

- S25E04, 'YOLO'.

96. "Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!"

- S20E12, 'No Loan Again, Naturally'.

97. "There are some things we don’t want to know. Important things."

- S08E08, 'Hurricane Neddy'.

98. "I'm not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month?"

- S21E05, 'The Devil Wears Nada'.

99. "Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and 'Sweatin’ to the Oldies,' volumes one, two and four."

- S04E11, 'Homer's Triple Bypass'.

100. "Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk."

- S26E19, 'The Kids Are All Fight'.

101. "Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen."

- S25E12, 'The Man Who Grew Too Much'.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of interesting family-friendly quotes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Simpsons quotes then why not take a look at [futurama quotes], or snoopy quotes.

Main Image Editorial credit: Ekaterina_Minaeva / Shutterstock.com

Article Image Editorial credit: Ekaterina_Minaeva / Shutterstock.com

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Written by Srija Chanda

Master of Arts specializing in Mass Communication/Media Studies

Srija Chanda picture

Srija ChandaMaster of Arts specializing in Mass Communication/Media Studies

An aspiring media professional, Srija is currently pursuing her Master's degree in Mass Communication at St. Xavier's University, Kolkata, after completing her degree in journalism. With experience in PR and social media, she has also honed her leadership skills through her participation in a youth parliament. Srija's interests include devouring books, watching movies, and exploring new places through travel.

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