80 Best Onion Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Onions make you shed tears, but they also make for an excellent onion pun.

Food puns and vegetable puns are easy to come across. You will even see many cooking puns and jokes scattered all over the internet.

Yet, despite being a great subject of humor, funny onion jokes and onion puns can be difficult to come across. Even if you do find one or two onion ring puns, puns related to chopping onions or onion jokes have not really been explored.

And that does make us a bit teary. But, don't worry, we've got you covered with this comprehensive list of onion jokes and puns. Just be careful not to make anyone cry, like an onion would do, by telling these onion jokes.

If you are interested in more puns, check out these articles Burger Puns and Hot Dog Puns.

Funny Onion Puns & One-Liners

Here is a list of some great onion puns and one-liners. These puns can also be used as funny and witty Instagram captions. Without further ado, peel your way through these onion puns!

1. My wife was surprised when I cut the onion in the shape of a die. I just followed the instruction asking me to dice the onions.

2. The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.

3. While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears.

4. When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.

5. I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.

6. The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.

7. At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.

8. The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.

9. The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.

10. Thousands of years ago, onions ruled this world. Only a few relics of its remarkable culture from the ancient civilizationion can be found.

11. During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.

12. Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.

13. All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.

14. Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.

15. My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.

16. Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.

17. My friend thought he was factual when he said that onions are the only vegetables that make one cry. He hadn't yet tasted the vegetable salad that I had made for him.

18. When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.

19. When I heard that the government may put chips into our bodies in the future, I disagreed with the idea. They should be putting in onions and sour creams.

20. I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.

21. When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.

22. As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"

23. When I told my friend an onion joke, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?

24. I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.

25. I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.

26. I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.

27. The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.

28. On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!

29. I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.

30. In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.

31. Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.

32. In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.

33. I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.

34. When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"

35. There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.

36. I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.

37. One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.

38. For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion joke in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.

39. Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.

40. Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.

Jokes About Onions

Are you looking for onion jokes for kids? Well, you've come to the right place with these onion jokes being perfect for any occasion.

41. What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.

42. What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.

43. What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.

44.Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!

45. What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.

46. What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.

47. What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.

48. What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.

49. What is the similarity between your high school result and an onion? They make you cry whenever you open up both of them.

50. Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.

51. What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.

52. How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.

53. What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.

54. What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.

55. What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"

56. What is the name of the song by actor Dwayne Johnson which is dedicated to an onion? It is the song 'Maui Oniona'.

57. What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!

58. What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!

59. What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.

60. Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.

61. On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.

62. What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!

63. What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"

64. What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"

65. How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!

66. What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.

67. What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!

68. What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!

69. What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!

70. What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!

71. What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.

72. What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!

73. To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.

74. What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.

75. What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.

76. What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.

77. What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!

78. What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.

79. What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.

80. What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly puns for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for onions puns then why not take a look at Cheese Puns, or for something different take a look at these Lettuce Puns.