100 Best Beard Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest

Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Dec 12, 2023 By Rajnandini Roychoudhury
Originally Published on Jan 06, 2021
Edited by Monisha Kochhar
Cheerful beard man making love sign with hands
Age: 0-99
Read time: 9.5 Min

Shave off the competition with this list!

Hair are some of our best jokes about facial hair alongside some funny beard jokes! Let's go through these funny jokes about beards to quench that beard humor of yours.

Beards can make a man's personality better by boosting confidence and they also protect the skin! So let loose and laugh at these funny facial hair jokes, shaving jokes, goatee jokes and get cracking great beard joke or two with your friends while you all grow your own beards.

If you are interested in more such jokes and puns, take a look at Beard Puns and Mustache Jokes.

Bad Beard Jokes

Environmental portrait of a senior man with long beard

Take a look at these less well-groomed beard jokes.

1. What do you call a goat with a beard? A Goatee.

2. Why don't men with beards need a vacuum? Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

3. What do you call a bald chemistry teacher with only a beard? Heisenberg.

4. Why was the bearded man angry? Because he kept being mistaken for a hipster.

5. What happened to the man who was hesitant about growing a beard? It eventually grew on him.

6. Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy going out with his nonbearded friends? Because everyone thought he was the leader!

7. What did hipster Darth Vader say to his clean-shaven henchman? “I find your lack of beard disturbing!”

8. Where does a man with a beard put his beard clippings? In his shavings account.

9. My friend and I are in a beard-growing contest. It's neck and neck right now.

10. What is a beard’s favorite nuts? Mustachios.

11. What is a bearded man’s favorite headphone brand? Bearddynamic.

12. What is an old and wise dragon? A bearded dragon!

13. Why don’t the Amish shave their beards? Because they don’t want raze-a-barn.

14. What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop? Hairy Potter.

15. How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. One to actually do the job, and nine others to compliment each other’s beards.

16. Why did the man with receding hairline decide to grow his beard? Because he was trying to plan a head.

17. Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection? Because if he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy.

18. What’s the difference between an ex-wife and a beard? The beard eventually comes back.

19. Why did the man have the priest don a fake beard and mustache? Because he wanted the baptism to be a blessing in disguise!

20. Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space? Because he wanted spacial hair.

21. Why do women like men with beards? Because they immediately see something that they can change!

22. Why do men hate to shave off their beards? Because they’re naturally attached to it.

23. Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop? Because of the razor thin margins.

24. Why did the bearded man’s phone not unlock on seeing his face? Because it just wasn’t him anymore!

25. Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face? Because then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.

26. Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event? Because it was a fund razor.

27. What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face? “I’ve been hair before!”

28. Why did the man get beard oil before food? Because taking care of his beard is part of his hair necessities.

29. What did the man say before shaving off his beard? “Hair goes nothing!”

30. Why did the bearded man go to the barber? Because the barber provided intensive hair.

31. Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber? Because the barber was the hairbinger of doom for him!

32. Why did Satan hire a good-willed barber to shave off the facial hair of men going to hell? Because the road to hell is shaved with good intentions.

33. Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard? Because he barber-ed a grudge against him.

34. What did the bearded prince marry Rapunzel? Because he wanted a hairytale ending.

35. Why did the barber eat nothing but goat meat? Because mutton chops were his favorite.

36. Why did the toy airplane land on the bearded man’s face? Because he had a strip on it.

37. Why did the man get intentionally kicked in the face by a horse? Because he wanted a horseshoe mustache.

38. Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town? Because he had a gunslinger beard!

39. Why did the man keep growing his beard? Because he thought he looked beardy handsome!

Silly Beard Jokes

You wouldn't want to go a day without a beard joke after reading these!

40. Why do men develop confidence after growing their beards? Because it’s the beard that grows them!

41. Why was Ivan Pavlov’s beard so soft, smooth, and well maintained? Because he conditioned it.

42. Why is Santa not allowed to shave his beard? Because it is in his Clause.

43. What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common? For them, every hair counts!

44. Howcome Spot would not let go of his beard? He would Klingon to it!

45. When do hipsters shave their facial hair to match their cool personality? During Daylight Shavings time.

46. What was the pirate’s favorite kind of facial hair? A boatee.

47. What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus? He lost his stubble mode of income.

48. What did the man do when someone insulted his attempt at growing a beard? He just brushed it off.

49. What is a bearded hipster’s favorite metal band? Avenged Shavenfold.

50. Why did the man ignore the two hipsters tailing him and kept grooming his own beard? Because a beard in the hand is worth two in the bush.

51. Why was the bearded man at the court? He was waiting for the verdi-ct!

52. What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café? A Goa-tea.

53. Why was the man’s beard a visual treat? Because it was plait to perfection.

54. What was the bearded hipster’s least favorite basketball team? The Los Angeles Clippers.

55. Why don't hipsters try to copy curly beard styles? Because they don't go with the wave.

56. Why do British not like long beards? Because they hate the Vikings.

57. Who is the world's most popular bearded wizard? Of course, it is Gandalf, who else did you think?

58. Why did the bearded thief shave before robbing a bank? Because he wanted to be a smooth criminal.

59. Why was the bearded man the host? He had a natural anchor in him!

60. Where does a beard styling enthusiast go for vacations? Shave-illa.

61. Where does a beard stylist buy his grooming products? At a Shaven Eleven.

62. Why did the man grow his beard ridiculously bigger than the last time? Because he wanted to grow it shavenfold as much.

63. Why did the teenager get a grooming kit for his birthday? Because it was his shaventeenth birthday.

64. Why couldn’t the man with a thick beard figure out the cause of his itchy beard? Because he couldn’t get to the root of it.

65. Why did the man help his friends trim their facial hair? Because shearing is caring.

66. What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard? “You ought to shavour every bite!”

67. What do you call a barber without a beard? Jobless!

68. Who helped grow Obi Wan's beard? His name was Darth Braider!

Funny Barber Jokes

A man with a beard always looks like he needs some barber jokes.

69. What do you call a person who shaves 20 times a day and still ends the day with a beard? A barber.

70. Why did the barber win at the race? Because he took a short cut.

71. Why did the barber get annoyed by his customer? Because he kept saying 10 times over, “I mustache you a question!”

72. Why did the man grow a mustache even though he always wore a mask in public? Because he wanted a secret ‘stache.

73. Why was the man annoyed at his friend who was making fun of his facial hair? Because it was a side-burn.

74. What was the catchphrase of the barber’s shop? “Any time, Anyplace, Any hair!”

75. What do you say when a barber has a good annual income? We can say it has been good hair for him!

76. Why are superheroes inspired by barbers? Because they are always there to shave the day!

77. Why did the man named Penny keep on shaving his beard? Because a Penny shaved is a Penny earned.

78. Why was the man’s self-care product line taking off? Because of all the shave reviews!

79. Why did the man sue the barber for touching his beard? He saw it as hairassment.

80. What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard? “All good things must comb to an end.”

81. What kind of beard did Rocky keep? He kept a Balbo-a!

82. Where are bearded prisoners sent? They sent them to the Gillette-ine.

83. What happened when my friend kept bragging about his stubble? I just couldn’t bear-d him anymore!

84. Why was the hipster avoiding his social circle after going to the barber? Because he was shaving face.

85. Why are cannibals good at shaving? Because they are a barberic clan.

86. What did the barber say to the man who wanted a spherical Afro? “Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.”

87. What did the barber serve at his party? Barber-que.

88. What did the bartender tell the man with the saggy mustache? “Is that your mustache or have your eyebrows come down for a drink?”

89. What did the barber do after accidentally shaving off the man’s beard? He just let it slide.

Beard One-Liner Jokes

Check out these hilarious jokes on beards!

90.Why didn't the barber ask the question about beards? Because he was shaving it for later!

91. What happened to long beards? They have become a dying beard!

92. What hairstyle did the goose get? A ducktail!

93. Why did my friend lie about his beard? Because he's a bald faced liar.

94.Why did the unlucky bearded man shave? Because fortune favors the shave.

95. Who shaves a rabbit's beard? A haredresser!

96. Where do you find the perfect mustache? Right under the nose!

97. Why did the man buy a new razor? Because the old one failed to make the cut!

98. What do you call a clean-shaved spy? Agent 00-Shaven!

99. Why are the beard and mustache on bad terms? Because they can't gel with each other!

100. What do you call a polite beard? A beard that is well-groomed!

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for 100 Best Beard Jokes then why not take a look at Mustache Jokes, or Hair Jokes.

We Want Your Photos!
We Want Your Photos!

We Want Your Photos!

Do you have a photo you are happy to share that would improve this article?
Email your photos

More for You

See All

Written by Rajnandini Roychoudhury

Bachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

Rajnandini Roychoudhury picture

Rajnandini RoychoudhuryBachelor of Arts specializing in English, Master of Arts specializing in English

With a Master of Arts in English, Rajnandini has pursued her passion for the arts and has become an experienced content writer. She has worked with companies such as Writer's Zone and has had her writing skills recognized by publications such as The Telegraph. Rajnandini is also trilingual and enjoys various hobbies such as music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading classic British literature. 

Read full bio >